Maleck Odinsson's Blog

Patreon Rant: Math About Ancestors

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From Anonymous comes the following “I am trying to reconcile the set of Jotnnar and the set of potential ancestors and I am coming up short on the parameters of conceivable overlap. I know both you and Sarenth admit a wider variety of ancestors than I manage thus far, and I feel like my conceptual limitations are the issue, so working on them.”

First of all, I want to say that this is the second of the two topics you’ve given me in recent months and I am still thinking on the first. It is not that the first topic is laid out incoherently, it’s that I’m still wrestling with it a bit and don’t feel I have anything coherent to say as of yet. I apologize, and I may simply ramble on 3POTS about it instead of doing a written Rant if you’re amenable to that. Regardless, that is a different topic entirely and this topic is more than interesting enough for a Rant all its own.

So! Reconciling the set of Jotnar with the set of potential ancestors. I love this topic not just because of the root of the topic itself, but also because I adore the phrasing using sets. I adore mathematical theory even though I’m woefully uninformed on the topic. For those interested, please see the Wikipedia article on Set Theory here (please use as a start and not the totality of the thing).

The root of the topic though, at least to my mind, is how can we consider Jotnar to be ancestors? Well, lets do a bit of defining of the sets we’re working with. These are, as with all definitions, merely jumping off points. Baggage handles that allow us to get a feel for the thing we are talking about rather than any kind of authoritative grouping (which cannot exist in any case).

Jotnar are a set of spiritual, divine, or semi-divine beings generally considered to be mythologically similar to the “gods” (being the Aesir and the Vanir) of Norse Mythology, though often opposed to them in terms of goals. There is also some indication that the Jotnar are a bit more associated with wildness, the wilderness, wild animals, etc. than the Aesir and Vanir tend to be. These sets intermarry and breed frequently throughout the recorded, extant mythos, and should broadly be considered to be differentiated socially rather than “biologically”, essentially belonging to different sociopolitical groups rather than belonging to differing “species”. There is possibly some association with various land spirits or land-owning spirits, though my understanding is that this is mostly a surviving folklore thing that is less well researched and documented. In basically all cases, Jotnar and their various cognates are considered to be “Others”, outsiders living beyond the realm of men until they’re married in or otherwise incorporated in various ways. Again for an introduction, please see the Wiki here.

Ancestors are a bit more dichotomous in definition. There is the obvious definition of those who contributed to us biologically who are now no longer alive. Those with whom we share genetic lineage, who are no longer alive. Dead family members. Many people stop here with defining this particular set. This is however, a definition that is ludicrous on its face. It simply leaves out too much of the human experience to be sensical. Family simply includes too much more than genetic inheritance for ancestors to be defined this way. Firstly this comes from genetic necessity. In order to prevent inbreeding and the development of genetic diseases, humans breed with unrelated humans. People with whom they do not share much, if any, genetic ancestry. This ties lines of genetic inheritance together in very real ways. In short, it creates relationship even between people who share no genetic relationship at all. There is even indication that the relationship between uncle and nephew in Germanic societies was as or more important than that of father and son. Another example is adoption, a phenomenon found the world over, a bond outside of genetic inheritance that still creates family bonds. Should an adopted child not consider their adoptive family to be their ancestors when they pass on? It’s a ridiculous concept on its face. And this is the key to defining this set in a way that is more acceptable. It isn’t about genetic inheritance, though that certainly plays a role. It’s about relationship, some voluntary, some not. To put it into a shorter form, ancestors are those with whom we share kinship, either physical or otherwise, who are not currently incarnated. Now, why did I phrase it as “not currently incarnated” rather than “dead” or “no longer alive”? Simple, to account for reincarnation. If any part of a soul, presuming linear time (which is another conversation that goes beyond the scope of this definition by a long way), may reincarnate than the equation gets significantly more complex than simply being alive = relative, dead = ancestor. What this also does is shows that the distinction between dead humans and other spiritual beings is not nearly so solid as it seems. Another example of this in the extant literature is the very unclear distinctions between Alfar and ancestors, or even between Disir, deities, Valkyries, and Norns. So if we have a definition that allows for a blurring of the lines between human and nonhuman spiritual beings, and does not necessitate genetic inheritance to define an ancestor, we have a definition that is much more in line with what we see worldwide, and allows for overlap between these two sets.

You see, the world over we have peoples claiming descent from a wide variety of mythological or spiritual beings. In Mongolia many tribes claim descent from Wolf, Deer, even Bear. You find similar instances in Turtle Island, with many peoples claiming descent from mythological figures and or kinship with a variety of other animals. And in a similar vein it is extremely common for various European peoples to have mythologies that include interbreeding with a variety of Fair Folk, Trolls, and other spiritual beings, not to mention the frequent claims of various royal and noble lines of being descended from a variety of different divinities. Divinities which specifically include Jotnar in some cases, coincidentally.

Now. Did I play a bit fast and loose with the rules of formal logic in the above? Absolutely. Those with a mind to could easily tear the logic to pieces. I don’t have the inclination currently to formalize these definitions into logically ironclad things. It’s possible to do, but not something I’m interested in doing right now. Because more important is this: Ancestry is about kinship, not about genetics. It’s about those with whom you have a relationship. And it can, and has historically, included Jotnar in its definition. Both Skadi and Gerdr are claimed ancestors of known royal family lines in Nordic history. The definition of the set of ancestors, by a reasonable person from a polytheist or animist perspective who acknowledges Indigenous traditions (which is to say, is reasonable), necessarily leans in this direction logically. Of course that does not mean that people who don’t naturally come to this conclusion are being unreasonable. It takes training and work and sometimes people pointing things out to us to get our heads around things, and there are certainly other reasonable definitions than the one I’ve put forward here. I submit however that reasonable definitions will bear some similarity to the one I’ve put forward, and that any differences will, in majority, differ due to the rejection of polytheism, animism, or reincarnation.

Now, is that useful to you? Well, that’s not something I can determine. There’s certainly something to be said for the fact that the only Jotnar we have historic examples of as progenitors are paired with not just Aesir partners, but with divine kings specifically. And there’s more to be said for the fact that it’s explicitly royal lines we most commonly see claiming divine ancestry. These do not however, negate the kinship we find with spirits the world over. It’s also not necessary by any stretch to include Jotnar, or frankly any non-human spirits, in the list of ancestors or ancestral spirits that you have dealings with. In fact, unless there is some pressing reason, i.e. you’ve been approached by them, there’s risk of them becoming disquiet or otherwise dangerous, you belong to a culture with living ancestor traditions (in which case, why are you reading my blog instead of talking to your Elders??), etc… than there is no NEED to engage with ancestors or ancestral spirits at all. But that doesn’t mean it’s not a good idea to have at least a basic ancestor practice. Water or coffee or milk on an altar once a week is a pretty easy and good thing in my opinion.

Now. I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that anyone who proposes such a topic, or gets this far into a chaotic ramble like this, could use some jumping off points for dealing with Jotnar ancestors for one reason or another. So now I’m going to leave behind Set Theory and Formal Logic and just put on the spiritworker hat for a bit and give some of my experiences and unsolicited advice.

Now, I’m godspoused to Angrboda, a prominent queen among the Jotnar. Which grants me exactly zero authority or special expertise. In no fashion do I pretend to dictate to other people how the spirits are, what their relationships are, can, or should be, or indeed anything else. But I have a fair amount of experience with Jotnar specifically and I think that experience may be of use to other people looking to start their own explorations or practices. Everything from here on out should be considered to be a combination of my experience, UPG, opinion, and research. Take what makes sense to you, use what might be useful, discard what isn’t.

Jotnar tend to be pretty straightforward and no nonsense. Gruff, rough around the edges. While this isn’t always the case, I’ve found it to often be true. They are often more intelligent, more wise and cunning, than folks give them credit for and often use presumptions about them to their advantage. They are fearsome and clever and proud, making them powerful allies and unwanted enemies. People often associate them with land spirits of various kinds, and I don’t find this to be incorrect. Though in my experience they tend to be land-owning spirits rather than spirits of the land directly. Which isn’t to say that some Jotnar aren’t spirits of the land, or that the land-owners among them aren’t deeply tied to their lands in ways that are vital and visceral. Where they differ from other such spirits is that it tends to be LARGE things that they’re associated with. Mountains, large and notable hills, glaciers, old growth forests, that kind of thing. And they tend to be solid things, not bodies of water. There may be bodies of water in their lands, but it doesn’t tend to be bodies of water specifically that they’re associated with. A mountain with a lake and river, not the river and lake on a mountain. I will also say that my experience of them has been that they’ve tended to prefer the cold climates over the warmer ones. There are, I think, other giants (giant being a bit of a misnomer but se le vie) who prefer the warmer climes. There are of course plenty of Jotnar who are not associated with land, though I find the ones that are are more involved with humans.

I find that Jotnar are just as political as the Aesir and Vanir are, though I find that their politics tend to be more forward. They tend to respect strength, honesty, cleverness, and authority exercised well. Family and tribe tend to be very important to them, as does loyalty. Similarly they tend to expect honest respect for legitimate authority, which should not be confused for blind obedience. They can also be easily offended by perceived rudeness or slights. Jotnar tend to be very full of life. Fond of food and drink, of laughter and song, of storytelling and adventure. They could easily be described as boisterous, even wild.

When it comes to interaction, I recommend starting with the basics for offerings. Milk, food, water, tobacco, alcohol. Mugwort, cedar, and juniper also go over well in my experience. A bit stereotypical but I find that warm, hearty foods tend to go over well. Meat, especially red meat, bread, root vegetables. Similarly I find that they tend to like alcohol more than water.

I find that they like things to be straightforward. Straightforward, simple, and well done. If all you’ve got is a cheap white candle and a shot glass of water, that’s fine. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. But if you can manage an altar with nice wooden or stone bowl for offerings, an incense burner and a nice candle? I recommend it. The better the quality of whiskey you pour them, the more I find they appreciate it. Quality of course doesn’t always equate with price. There’s plenty of whiskey that drinks wildly above its price point. And a well prepared casserole will go over better than a filet mignon that’s under-seasoned and over-cooked.

For those that do journey work, I actually don’t tend to recommend going to Jotunheim. It is a wild and dangerous place, very much Outside the realm of man, and even friendly Jotnar aren’t necessarily safe. A greeting in Jotunheim might seem a bit more like a bar brawl than a handshake to us, and trespassing can be taken quite seriously. Outside of the normal dangers of journey work, Jotunheim is not a place I recommend most folks go, at least not without a strong relationship with a being who can guide and vouch for you.

Now specifically for Jotnar ancestors? Figuring out exactly what that means for you is likely to be important. Some questions that seem important to answer, aside from the basic discernment ones include the following:

Are they a patron of your family line, fulfilling a role similar to Disir? Or are they more interested in you specifically? Presumably since they’re approaching you as an ancestor, they’d like to be included in any regular ancestor practice that you’ve got. How will including them affect your Hamingja, your family luck? How will it affect your personal Megin (I’m using the Heathen words here, but use appropriate cognate concept words as needed)? How will your other ancestors interact with and react to them? What about your other spiritual relationships, how will they react? How significant a part of your practice and your life do they want to be? Does this relationship come with others attached? Clan or tribe or kingdom?

Overall, I recommend approaching the Jotnar with caution. But I recommend that with most spirits. I love the Jotnar. I’m biased, but I tend to get on with them better than I do with many other beings. You’ll be hard pressed to find a more fiercely loyal group, more willing to go to the wall to take care of their own. They make wonderful, powerful allies, friends, and family.

Hopefully this rant has been both coherent and helpful!

Patreon Rant: Won’t Someone Think of the Children?

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From Sarenth comes this topic “How would you go about training someone entirely new to Pack Tradition, someone without a background in other esoterica to lean on?”

Heck of a topic, as always Sarenth! And to both remind Sarenth and for the reader at home, the question is paraphrased since they asked me in person. If you want further expansion, please feel free to ask!

So to start with, I’d do a couple of things.

Firstly, I’d assess where the individual stands with regards to knowledge and practices. What do they know about folklore, mythology, theology. How are their reading and critical thinking skills? How widely and deeply have they read about polytheistic and pagan topics? Esoteric topics? Do they have a worship practice already? If so, with whom and in what tradition? Do they have a living tradition that they’re tied to that should be involved, as with folks Indigenous to Turtle Island?

Second, I’d go to divination. Is this Tradition, or the adjacent paths, something this person is suited for? Called to? Is initiation of any variety on the table here? Who is involved, spiritually speaking? Am I an appropriate person to be training or mentoring this person? How should I go about it, and how deeply? What kind of timeline are the Spirits expecting? What obligations are either or both of us picking up, and how negotiable is that?

That’s where I’d start. Now, for a hypothetical to have this post be something beyond just a list of questions to be answered.

Let us assume that the person in question (referred to as initiate going forward for ease) and I are appropriate matches and that either direct Initiation into the Pack Tradition or something very adjacent is on the table. Let us also assume the initiate has very little knowledge, perhaps some cursory reading but nothing of substance and perhaps a cursory worship practice but nothing substantial and very little to know esoteric knowledge or practices to speak of.

Once divination is done, and assuming I don’t have any immediate advice coming from that source that needs to be addressed, I’d start with a three pronged approach.

Mental Preparation
Spiritual Hygiene and Basics
Devotional and Worship Practices

Addressing each in turn, I’d probably go in that order too. Each of these prongs would involve several lessons, lots of homework, and depending on how intense the teaching relationship needed to be, quite a lot of following up and progress tracking on both ends

Mental Preparation would include a number of things. Firstly I’d start the initiate off with some basic meditation. I’m far, far from an expert but I feel confident in saying that mastering the basics of meditation is pretty foundational to good spiritual practice. It teaches discipline, allows for cleaner and clearer thought, aids discernment, helps with emotional regulation, and so much more. Beyond that I’d also address the initiate’s critical thinking skills. Depending on their age and education level I’d either run through some basic lessons, all the way up to giving a full primer on English critical theory with a textbook and everything. All of this would come WELL before introducing folklore, mythology, or theology. And would include a very serious amount of deconstruction of the initiate’s preexisting belief structures, including things like gender roles, race and class, and inherited Christian theology. None of this is optional in my opinion, and while some of it can be done alongside prongs 2 and 3 I would absolutely get the initiate started here and get their feet under them before moving on.

This also and especially includes spiritual discernment. Verifying spiritual messages that may come through, what sources they’re coming from, how and when to utilize community, how and when to utilize lore, how and when to utilize divination. Sock puppets, spiritual fantasy, main character syndrome, etc and how to avoid them and come back from them if one gets off course. A calm, thorough, rational and reasoned and reasonable approach to spirituality is essential.

Spiritual Hygiene and Basics. By Spiritual Hygiene I mean grounding and centering, cleansing, and shielding. Each of these has a method within Pack Tradition that is accessible to folks not fully initiated. I’ve done a post on some of them, found here. Again, this would involve a lot of hands-on lessons. Grounding to balance internal and external energy. Centering to focus oneself and one’s intent. Cleansing oneself of spiritual pollution both internally and externally. And shielding to help reduce both spiritual harms and to help prevent picking up unnecessary pollutions. This would involve tutoring the initiate to work with both internal and external energy, as well as be deeply intertwined with any devotional relationships the initiate has or is developing. In large part this tutoring would be based on the initiate’s particular strengths and weaknesses. Someone whose spiritual senses are very acute might need a lot more cleansing and grounding work. This isn’t a matter of moral superiority. No skill set is better than another. It is just a matter of shoring up and compensating for weaknesses, and exploring and honing strengths. Once the basics are mastered, moving on to things like divination, energy work, and spirit contact outside of their burgeoning devotional relationships are considered. All depending on the strengths of the initiate, where they sit cosmologically, what affinities they have.

Devotional and Worship Practices. In my opinion and for anyone who would be my student, this is an essential piece of the puzzle. Worship and devotion doesn’t need to be elaborate, but for a strong spiritual practice for any spiritual specialist I think it must be present. What is perhaps most interesting about this though, is that worship practices are not thoroughly developed within the Pack Tradition. The Pack Spirits Themselves tend to not demand much, if anything, in the way of offerings. The spirits who prefer offerings and the methods we have received to offer to Them are strictly initiated only secrets. So where does that leave us?

In the same place as any other reconstructionist polytheist. The Pack Spirits may not demand offerings, but They generally receive them well. And aside from initiated only spirits, there are a host of hosts of spirits all around with whom to develop relationships. Spirits of place, of land and water. Spirits of the home. Ancestral spirits who may be following the initiate and their family. A variety of gods and ancestors who may have an interest in the initiate for a variety of reasons. And of course anyone that the initiate may have an interest in developing a relationship with for whatever reason, including just thinking that they’re neat! Developing a basic practice of offering in thanks and reciprocity is foundational to any spirit work going forward. This is also where and why so much divination would be done up front. To help ensure that no one who would be a good divine relationship for the initiate is neglected or left out.

Basics would include: how to build an altar (what does and does not go on an altar, how to treat the space, enlivened object protocols as applicable, etc), how and what to offer (Taboos about offering certain things to certain beings, preferences, offering disposal protocols, etc), basic approaches to prayer (prayer structure, various kinds of prayers, how to approach various beings and why), ritual purity (see above about cleansing), and developing a disciplined and routine schedule of offering that is both practical and sustainable. At bare minimum, and barring any indication from divination stating otherwise I would expect most students would be offering to the Pack Spirits, 1 to 3 gods of interest, ancestors generally, and domestic as well as local land and water spirits. It could be as simple as a cup of water or milk, a stick of incense, or some locally appropriate offering herbs put on the altar with a short prayer of praise and thanks once a week.

Now, I feel a bit bad. This post is a bit broad, and isn’t as specific to Pack Tradition material as I’d like. But frankly, that’s just the nature of the beast. Most things in this Tradition insist on being oral teachings. Even the things that aren’t strictly Mystery based. And fully one third to half of what I’d teach a new student is broadly applicable to most polytheism. I’d certainly teach specific ways of doing things, but see above about living traditions that insist on oral transmission.

All of this assumes an initiate of adult age, with a reasonable amount of time, energy, and focus to put into the Work, and no major spiritual debts or other hinderances. Things like neurodivergence, disability, distance, time restrictions, and etc would all need to be accounted for alongside spiritual affinities and learning styles.

Patreon Rant: State of the Union

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From Sarenth comes the following topic:

“the state of the Pack Tradition, and how things come together from divergent perspectives within it if you can speak to that.”

Well! Heya folks! Long time no talk.

Life has been hectic and I haven’t written in a long while. I should probably do an update post soonish. But we’ll get there. For now, on to the rant!

Technically I should have had this written and posted in January but life gets in the way. I do appreciate the graciousness, Sarenth.

So! The state of the Pack Tradition.

We sure are here! Ha.

But truthfully this is a hard one for me to talk about for a couple of reasons:

One of those obviously is Mystery shit. Turns out a group of people developing a Mystery Tradition from scratch do a lot of things they can’t really talk about with outsiders.

Another reason is that a lot of it simply isn’t mine to talk about. It is not mine to share the journey of another, their struggles and triumphs, their Mysteries, their practice. And traditions are made up of people. So even though I technically could share many things, I should not and will not share things that are not mine to share.

Which actually ties directly into a thing I CAN share and talk about that also makes this post difficult to write, so I’ll go ahead and start there. Which is the intentional way that we have worked to and continue to work to structure power in the Pack Tradition. We work rather hard to ensure that the power structure is as flat as possible. No one is in charge. No one has authority over anyone else so much as is possible. There’s a few places where there’s some logistical power differences because of the nature of the platforms we’re using, for example I’m the owner of the Discord server where a lot of the discussions take place. However, every single fully initiated member is an admin of the server, with the power to do almost everything in the server I can do. I believe the only things I can do that they can’t is delete the server and promote people to admin status. Otherwise, any initiate has as much logistical power in the server as I do. And aside from these few differentials, we really do try to emphasize that no one is in charge. There is no hierarchy. There’s specialists, but that’s not a status symbol. Everyone is a specialist in something. And even the Initiate vs Initiating divide is not one of power or authority. Initiates are not considered to have a higher “rank” than anyone else. No one is in charge. Either of the Tradition or of other people. Which is part of how we’re doing as a Tradition. We’re structuring things to be a council of peers coming together to explore these Mysteries and raise each other and those around us up.

Which also makes it hard to talk about because there’s just a lot I don’t know. No one reports to me, thank the gods, so while I’m generally aware of what a lot of folks are doing because I like hearing what other people are up to, I know for a fact there’s all kinds of things folks are working on that I’m just not privy to. And that’s assuming that I’m even aware of and in contact with everyone in the Tradition, which I may well not be!

Which is a lot of words to say that there’s a ton I can’t or won’t share for various reasons. But, what I can share is this:

We’re a group of folks at various states along the initiatory journey into these Mysteries. And that number is definitely growing. To my knowledge we had at least four people finish initiating in 2024, and at least one more start who isn’t finished yet.

We continue to pick up new “lenses” or ways of being within the Tradition. We have folks who’ve initiated into Human, Wolf, Coyote, Fox, and even Corvid “lenses”. We’ve got folks, including myself, who dabble in Dog and in kind of… hybrid lenses like Wolfdog and Coywolf. And we’re starting to see trends and patterns, which is so exciting I can’t describe it properly.

We’re working on just….so many projects, either individually or in groups. Divination, astrology, Fire Keeper protocols, holidays, worship practices, ancestor practices, mythology and theology and stories, mapping roles and developing a working lexicon, practical applications of energy work and spirit work.

There’s frustrations sometimes. Translating a practice from Wolf to Human is hard. And that’s if the practice even can translate at all, because not all of them do. But at the same time, we learn so much from the failures. From when something just isn’t right when it translates. And we have so much to teach each other. I learn something new I think every single time I talk to another initiate about the Work.

I don’t know if this post answers the prompt well, but I’d say that the state of the Tradition is one of exploration, excitement, and growth. We’re learning so, so much so fast. And we have so much left to learn.

I will not live to see these Mysteries fully explored. Not if I live to be one hundred and fifty years old. And I can think of little that is more exciting.

Poetry Fails to Describe Your Beauty: the role of the initiator

A while back I asked Sarenth to write a post about various spiritual specialists and their roles as he sees it. Please see here.

It’s an excellent overview post, and I reference it reasonably often. Which is funny, because I thought there was a role in there that isn’t. Initiator. Which I didn’t realize until I was already writing this post.

This was meant to be a fanciful, even poetic, expansion upon what Sarenth had written. But since he apparently didn’t write that part, this will instead be a fanciful, even poetic, description of one of the greatest and most terrifying gifts I have ever been given.

I have had the absolutely terrifying responsibility, honor, privilege of carrying the role of initiator on a number of occasions. It is a gift I will be forever grateful for and forever afraid of.

So, what is the role of initiator?

It varies, of course. But there’s some commonalities. Whether you are carrying a god or spirit who is working through you, or standing aside as They do the Work without physical host, your job is much the same. To be calm, to be steady, to be measured, to be thoughtful. To be the bulwark. To be a fixed point in what is often a scary, emotionally charged, stressful situation. To be wise.

It is your job to stand still while the initiate slams themselves against you, incorrect and utterly certain of themselves. To stand unmoved and point them in the right direction, over and over, until they see it. To act decisively, even when you’re scared and uncertain.

Sometimes your job is to carry the Mysteries to them. Sometimes it’s to get out of the way while the Mysteries do their work. Sometimes it is to teach, sometimes it is to be discernment while the spirits teach.

But always, always your role is to Witness.

Whatever other ritual actions you might take, you Witness the initiate. You see them as they were before, you see them as they transform, and you see what they become.

And that is among the most beautiful gifts I have ever been given.

I was a tutor for a long time. I tutored writing, English, math, biology, chemistry. I can attest from firsthand experience the thing that drives many teachers on. Seeing the light in someone’s eyes when they suddenly just get it. When things just suddenly make sense and you can see the understanding dawning in their eyes. That fleeting moment got me through years of tutoring. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does…that feeling, getting to see the light come on in their eyes…there’s very little that compares.

That feeling pales in comparison to what you witness as an initiator.

And so to every initiate out there who might read this, I’d like to say:

Poetry cannot describe your beauty. And you are so beautiful. Words are limited vessels, poor carriers for meaning. And you are so full of meaning. You will tell stories about this experience, if only to yourself. Stories do not contain a thing, they do not contain you. The stories you tell will never be adequate for the things you now carry within you. You will only be able to talk around it, as I am failing to do now. This does not diminish it. This does not diminish you. It is your exultation. There is nothing more lovely than you at this moment. And even if I never know you, meet you, or even hear your name, I am so glad you are here. Getting to experience the most beautiful thing I have ever known. Poetry cannot describe your beauty.

For all the joy, love, pride, good feeling I have enjoyed as an initiator, it’s not about me. It’s about you. It’s about that puzzle piece you didn’t know was missing clicking into place.

So here’s to you. Whoever you are, wherever you are, whenever you are. Here’s to you.

The Ecstasy of the Imperfect

Recently I was inspired, in several ways, by a post from Atefwepwawet on the importance of acting despite imperfect knowledge. Please go read it, it’s phenomenal. With their permission, I’m responding and expounding here.

So. Knowledge vs practice. It’s a complicated and complimentary duality, ideally with one leading to the other. Both require each other to be truly complete. And neither is ever done, both are always expanding, growing, changing.

But what I really want to talk about today is knowledge.

And how for us it is Always,

Necessarily,

Incomplete and imperfect.

We are, by our very nature, limited beings. We are limited in our perceptions, our experiences. We are limited by language and culture and physics and biology. To know the complete history and physical make up of a single blade of grass in your yard would be beyond the capacity of a human mind. And the history and physical make up of a thing is only a tiny fraction of that thing. That doesn’t dive into its relationship with the world around it, how it is or could be perceived by others, its own spirit and internal world. There is simply too much to know.

This is not an uncommon thought. This idea of perfect knowledge has fascinated and stumped philosophers and writers and laypeople the world over. I am likely only repeating to you things you have already heard in different words.

This knowledge used to fill me with such dread. Sometimes it still does. Between the, very legitimate, fear of screwing things up and causing harm because of things I don’t know and a kind of…cosmic FOMO (fear of missing out), it was a thing I worried about to one degree or another nearly every day. Please do not feel that I am preaching from a place of ignorance on the legitimate fear and despair and just general worry that can come from this. Life is very real, and there can be very real consequences to not knowing, whether that leads to action or inaction.

But with all of that said, may I suggest a slightly different approach.

Embrace it.

We will NEVER be perfect.

How…

WONDERFUL.

There is such joy in learning and growing. Let us embrace it. Let us revel in the unknown. In the discovery. In fucking up and trying again. And again. And again. How much more beautiful is it that we try despite the risk of failure. That we leap despite not knowing what awaits us if we fall. Let us bask in the ecstasy of our imperfections and the chance to try again.

We will never be perfect! We will NEVER know enough! So we may as well try while we can! With these few years given to us, we may as well live!

Now.

I am NOT saying to be thoughtless, or to act with no knowledge. It is good to be wise. Do your due diligence. Ask questions. Read. Seek out experts and teachers. That is part of reveling in imperfections, is seeking out that which we do not know. There can and often are consequences for acting without knowledge. This is unavoidable. Do what is within your power to mitigate. To know the risks.

But then,

DO.

And the final secret: doing leads to just another kind of knowing, and with that further knowledge you can do more. They are not separate. They are a cycle that feed each other. Two sides of the same coin, as it were.

By Will Alone: Brute Forcing My Brain Into Trance

So there I was, alone in my living room, burning enough incense to piss off my roommates and desperately trying to meditate while having undiagnosed ADHD.

Aside from being the set up for a terrible joke, that’s basically how I started with teaching myself how to get into trance states. At the time I was really only aware of Western “meditation” practices, though I’d certainly entered enough “flow states” throughout my life that I was familiar with the feeling even if I didn’t consciously connect the idea with trance or meditation or really have words to talk about it.

Once, a friend described to me roles in a community she was familiar with. Some of you reading this will know which group im talking about. I’m not naming them on purpose, for a couple reasons. The roles she described were effectively:

1. Ground and Guard, the “bricks” who kept shit on an even keel and cleaned up and ran ground crew. I believe they were called warriors or some such.

2. Energy output and Empaths, the folks who raised all the energy in ritual and, at least for this group, energetically connected everyone in the ritual to each other.

3. The priests. The way she described it, the priests took that raised energy and made things happen by force of will alone. “I will make this a spiritual experience.”

Now, there’s plenty of issues with the caste system this group uses, and it certainly doesn’t work for everyone. Quite frankly it doesn’t work for me. I’m not endorsing it by any stretch. But the important part is that it’s what I needed to hear at the time. My friend had intended to have me muddle through for a while and use the example to try to figure out my strengths and weaknesses. It didn’t work out like that. Before she’d even finished speaking completely, I had already pointed out that in such a system I would fall into category 3. My friend agreed.

After that exchange, my meditation and trance practice advanced by leaps and bounds. Three ideas were the key to unlocking it for me.

1. “I will make this a spiritual experience.” The idea that I could change the spiritual, at least my own, by force of will.

2. A vague understanding that trance alters brainwaves in a way not dissimilar from sleep. The science here is less important than the fact that it was a thing for me to grab onto. That it was a difference in how my brain was functioning and perceiving.

3. That other altered states were similar. Which is very similar to point 2, but different. The feeling is like sleep, but not sleep. Like drugs, but not drugs. Like alcohol, but not alcohol. These other feelings I knew from prior experience were close to the thing I was chasing.

I am…not certain that I could write a guide for how to replicate what I did next. And if I could, I’m not certain I would recommend it. It’s probably not a healthy way to induce trance states. And yet, it does work for me, and startlingly well. Sometimes easier than others, but with the practice I’ve had I can nearly always achieve an appropriate level of trance at a moment’s notice. That said, here’s roughly what I did.

I sat with these ideas and the goal of achieving trance states, and I practiced. By force of will, I made my brain go towards altered states. I grabbed onto the memory of the sensation of falling asleep, and the memory of the sensation of drunkenness, the memory of the sensation of anesthesia and painkillers. And then I pushed my brain towards them. It took less time than you might expect. Within a couple weeks of semi-regular practice I could drag myself into a reasonable trance as needed. I practiced achieving trance sitting quietly, and then moved on to taking that altered state with me into other tasks. Watching TV, playing video games, cooking. It got to where I could achieve at least a light trance at the drop of a hat, in nearly any situation I’d regularly come into contact with.

I’ve fallen in and out of practice over the years. Never back to square one, but sometimes I’m quite rusty if I haven’t done it in a while. But it is a thing I always keep in my back pocket. I’ve learned other, gentler methods of trance induction since. Alcohol (which is different than drunkenness, and worth its own post), drumming, breathe techniques, prayer beads, etc. I’d generally recommend those first before a brute force method.

Interestingly too, this method is basically Cosmologically agnostic. It doesn’t rely on anything beyond yourself. It’s merely a tool. One that can be used for any number of things.

We The People, a Myth of the Future

It was a dark time, as it often is. A time of hungry children, and sickly elders. The common people were bent with toil, and their leaders drank rich blood from the earth.

There was no prophecy pointing to a hero to come and save the day. No cryptic foretelling of what might overthrow the old order, and usher in a new Era of peace and prosperity. And yet, as is often the case, a hero came any way.

Their name was We The People.

They were born in a place, at a time. It was a very normal place, for the time. And it was a very normal time, for the place. And they had a life. And they had challenges and they grew. And they misunderstood, and then they understood. Or they understood and then they misunderstood as the case is, and things go as they may. And they grew. And some things they knew, and some things they misknew. But the people in charge…they seemed to want We The People to misknow, and to misunderstand. And for a while, there was hate in the heart of We The People. And they did not understand why they were so angry and so fearful of their neighbors, and even their friends.

They thought and they thought, and they listened and they listened, and their leaders kept saying that things would change. That this time, it would be different! That this time, this time was the most important! Over and over, they heard these words. Until one day, they looked to themselves and they looked to their elders and they looked to the children and they realized…there was no one coming. This time was not different. There was no one coming to save them. The hate in the heart of We The People for neighbor and friend and family and foe was false. And no one was coming to save them.

And this hero, who was not prophesied and was not meant to be and, according to all the powers that be, should never have been, because they feared it so that they worked so hard to ensure that this hero would never be and would never know their power or their place on the throne…this hero, knew. Both fully, and in pieces, that no one was coming to save them. That they were all that there was. And so slowly, to the bully in the playground, and the preacher in the pulpit, and the politician at the podium, and the wolf at the door, and the gun to their head, and the boot on their neck, they stood up. And they said no more. My name is We The People. And we will not take this. And they linked arms with their fellows, and they said, no more. No more children buried under cities, no teachers dead in classrooms. No. More. Because there is no one coming to save us. So we must save ourselves. My name is We The People. And I say, no more.

Patreon Rant: Focusing on What Matters

If you’d like to request for me to rant on a topic, write prayers for an ancestor, spirit, or deity, or any of the other Work that I offer, please check out my Patreon, found here.

From Sarenth comes the following topic: “We know from your writings that you are rewriting sections of the Pack Tradition. What do you most want to work on, and what needs your attention the most? Are they the same thing?”

This question is referring to a post I made in November of 2023 stating that I was, and still am, planning to rewrite many of my older blog posts that are now…rather out of date. Basically much of my previous understanding of the Pack Spirits and Pack Tradition Cosmology has now been shown to be…rudimentary and confused. This isn’t a bad thing, everyone starts somewhere and I needed to start where I was to get where I am now. I’m certain in a few years time I will similarly laugh at my current understandings. It would be more accurate to say that I am reanalyzing and rewriting the information on the Pack Tradition that I have already written, than to say I am rewriting the Tradition itself. Though I think I understand the spirit of Sarenth’s question, being: what pieces of this do I want to focus on, what do I need to focus on, and how to I deal with any discrepancy between these.

So, to start. What do I most want to work on?

That’s a bit of a hard question if we’re being honest. There is…much to do. Between Mysteries and Cosmology to explore, a busy season of ritual and initiation, myth writing, tending to my marriage, developing and tending to relationships with the spirits local to my new home…there is much to do.

Now, a lot of that gets outside of what I think Sarenth is asking about here. But it’s true nonetheless and there are only so many hours in the day.

Truthfully the thing I want to most work on is ecstatic practice.

I do not know my own spirits well enough for my liking. I miss the call of my drum, of the Pack Fire, of dancing and howling at the moon. I want to work on listening, deeply, to my spirits until They can speak with my throat and we move and act as one.

This is not exactly in line with what I think Sarenth is asking here, though it is honest and I’ve little doubt he’ll be satisfied with the answer.

Truthfully I am weary of teaching and writing and facilitating. Of doing for others. I love these things. I really do. There is little more gratifying than seeing the light of understanding dawn across the face of my peers. It is immensely pleasurable to have a ritual go off well, to help someone plan, to give answers through divination or spirit led advice. There is great joy in wrestling with a concept that evades words, writing around it until you can see and share the shape of it. In getting the words just right.

But…I am weary of them. This is not unusual for me. As with many things, it goes in cycles. I will, undoubtedly, come back to a phase where that is my desire once again.

That was hard to answer because it is decidedly NOT what needs my attention the most. (Which is not to say these aren’t important, and I will be making more time for them, can’t pour from an empty cup and all that).

What needs my attention most is the book primarily and then this blog. And I want to want to work on the things tyat need my attention the most. I just don’t.

Specifically I need to get the foundational material that is mine to write written into the book. This is something in the range of…probably 150 to 200 typed pages, which may end up being split between 2 books. The more I sit with it, the more I think the Pack Tradition book should actually probably be 2+ books. Though that’s not entirely my decision to make.

And secondary to that I need to work on a reanalysis of my oldest blog posts, especially the ones addressing the energy work and spirits involved. Most of it is the same material that’s going into the book, just formatted as short form essays instead of a book. Part of me wonders if the duplication of effort is worth it. But I know that it is, because a book is not as accessible to some folks as a blog is and vice versa. And accessibility is extremely important.

How do I deal with this discrepancy between what I want and what most needs me?

There’s a few things I’m doing.

First, is acknowledging that I can’t do what needs my attention if I have no attention to give. This means being patient with myself, recognizing that the only time limits thus far are self-imposed, and that I have time to do everything. I have to work with my ADHD, and that means sometimes I do the things I want, so that I can make it eventually to the things that need me.

Second, I must act on the recognition that a lot of this Work isn’t mine. I cannot write this book alone. Much of it isn’t mine to write! Trying to would be dishonest in the extreme, a disservice to myself, my audience, and the spirits I am writing for. And that’s not a failure, that is a beautiful thing. That is a Pack thing. How could I do this on my own?

In any case, I hope that answers the questions well enough. It’s certainly made me think quite a bit.

Welcome, New Year

Hello to you, 2024.

I know we’ve only just met, but I have genuine hope for our relationship. I’ve known a number of your ancestors. Some better than others, and some of them I remember much more fondly than others. But, I am very glad to have known all of them. I hope I will say the same of you one day.

I hope you’ll work with me, with us, to bring some more peace into this world. I’m not asking for miracles. But I am asking for your help. We need it. And I like to believe you’d like that to be part of your legacy. I don’t believe we’re going to fully get our shit together during your time. But I ask that you help us make progress. And may we always remember you fondly, and say your name with reverence and joy in our eyes and on our tongues.

I know we’ve only just met. But this I hope. This I pray. That we will continue, substantially, on the roads of healing and equity. May your Ancestors help you as ours do for us.

May you be well, and peace and joy follow you. Pack Warm Us and Keep Us All.

And to you, dear reader, I wish the same. I hope this year is kind to you and yours. May we build on the healing we have begun. For ourselves. For our communities. For the world.

May you be well, and peace and joy follow you. Pack Warm Us and Keep Us All.

The Sun Returns

As with all modern myth, indeed as with all myth, this story may strike you, in whole or in part. If it does, I am glad. Take what works, leave the rest. If nothing here moves you, well. That is how things go sometimes. Not all stories are meant for all people. This story is true for me in this time and this place. And that is what matters. Regardless, I hope you enjoy. Stories are meant to be enjoyed, whether or not they have religious value.

Freyr had enjoyed his time in the Mound. It was warm, in the dark. And though it was indeed very dark, there was warm food and good drink and loved ones all around. The ancestors, for they were ancestors now, not merely the dead, were joyous in the presence of their King Under the Mound. Fires burned late into the nights, and the days grew longer and longer Under the Mound. And Freyr’s holy blood soaked deeper into the well-sated Earth.

And yet, and yet, despite the loved ones he had missed so dearly all around him, as the days reached a crescendo under the Earth, a longing slowly grew in Freyr’s heart. For not all those he loved were here with him. He missed the cunning laughter of his sister, and the soft touch of his partners. His law had been set, reset, here among the dead. And they welcomed him for it, abiding by the wisdom in his voice and choices. But Freyr looked around himself in his nights of drinking, storytelling, debauchery, and wise council. And he saw reflected in the eyes of some others around him his own longing to be among the living again. He remembered his promise to return to the living with those among the dead who were truly ready to walk among them once again.

But Freyr was a wise king, and knew well his duty. And so he called council, and gathered his people around him once again, as he had done before he had come into the Mound. And he asked for their wisdom, to alloy with his own. There was distress from some of the ancestors, for they would miss the shining face of Freyr, his laughter and presence among them. But these looked at the longing in the eyes of their fellows, and remembered their own days under the living sun, and they relented. As the solstice approached, preparations were made.

On that day, with preparations made and those of the dead ready gathered around him, Freyr took up his crown and his mantle and his walking stick. And looking out of his kingdom he saw that it was dark and the path was lost, truly lost, in the mist and shadow.

And some of those traveling with him despaired “how can we find our way back to the land of the living? Surely we will be lost and wander, restless and hungry, among the mists and shadows of the wilderness with no light to guide our way!” But Freyr looked again, and saw, far in the distance, the twinkling lights of fires. Fires large and small, bonfires and hearth fires and candles. Small votives lit for ancestors and stoves lit to feed families. Bonfires lit for celebrations and candles that brought soft joy. “Look again,” said Freyr, “there are those that wait for us still. They light fires and wait for the return of the sun. The journey is long before us, but they hold vigil. For our sake and for their own and for their fellows, there are those who hold watch through the long cold night. They will guide us home. Fear not. If there is but one light to guide us, we will make the journey.”

The journey was set, and so they continued. Night after night, they traveled with the sun. The nights grew longer under the Mound. And each day their journey grew shorter. Both the time they could travel in the light, as the sun slowly crept back to the world of the living, and the journey before them. Slowly the lights before them grew brighter. But brighter they grew. Laughter was not common among them, but it was there. And soon they began to feel, in their fingers and their toes. And they began to realize, as Freyr’s face grew brighter day by day as it turned to them, that life was among them again. And the journey, eventually, ended. As it does, every year, here, among us. As those among the dead come back to us, living once again. Whether they are in the faces of our children, or just beside us as we sit. And the sun returns with them, guiding their way, out of the dark, and into our lives once again. Thank you for your journey, o’ holy ones. O’ holy Sun. O’ Shining Freyr.