A while back I asked Sarenth to write a post about various spiritual specialists and their roles as he sees it. Please see here.
It’s an excellent overview post, and I reference it reasonably often. Which is funny, because I thought there was a role in there that isn’t. Initiator. Which I didn’t realize until I was already writing this post.
This was meant to be a fanciful, even poetic, expansion upon what Sarenth had written. But since he apparently didn’t write that part, this will instead be a fanciful, even poetic, description of one of the greatest and most terrifying gifts I have ever been given.
I have had the absolutely terrifying responsibility, honor, privilege of carrying the role of initiator on a number of occasions. It is a gift I will be forever grateful for and forever afraid of.
So, what is the role of initiator?
It varies, of course. But there’s some commonalities. Whether you are carrying a god or spirit who is working through you, or standing aside as They do the Work without physical host, your job is much the same. To be calm, to be steady, to be measured, to be thoughtful. To be the bulwark. To be a fixed point in what is often a scary, emotionally charged, stressful situation. To be wise.
It is your job to stand still while the initiate slams themselves against you, incorrect and utterly certain of themselves. To stand unmoved and point them in the right direction, over and over, until they see it. To act decisively, even when you’re scared and uncertain.
Sometimes your job is to carry the Mysteries to them. Sometimes it’s to get out of the way while the Mysteries do their work. Sometimes it is to teach, sometimes it is to be discernment while the spirits teach.
But always, always your role is to Witness.
Whatever other ritual actions you might take, you Witness the initiate. You see them as they were before, you see them as they transform, and you see what they become.
And that is among the most beautiful gifts I have ever been given.
I was a tutor for a long time. I tutored writing, English, math, biology, chemistry. I can attest from firsthand experience the thing that drives many teachers on. Seeing the light in someone’s eyes when they suddenly just get it. When things just suddenly make sense and you can see the understanding dawning in their eyes. That fleeting moment got me through years of tutoring. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does…that feeling, getting to see the light come on in their eyes…there’s very little that compares.
That feeling pales in comparison to what you witness as an initiator.
And so to every initiate out there who might read this, I’d like to say:
Poetry cannot describe your beauty. And you are so beautiful. Words are limited vessels, poor carriers for meaning. And you are so full of meaning. You will tell stories about this experience, if only to yourself. Stories do not contain a thing, they do not contain you. The stories you tell will never be adequate for the things you now carry within you. You will only be able to talk around it, as I am failing to do now. This does not diminish it. This does not diminish you. It is your exultation. There is nothing more lovely than you at this moment. And even if I never know you, meet you, or even hear your name, I am so glad you are here. Getting to experience the most beautiful thing I have ever known. Poetry cannot describe your beauty.
For all the joy, love, pride, good feeling I have enjoyed as an initiator, it’s not about me. It’s about you. It’s about that puzzle piece you didn’t know was missing clicking into place.
So here’s to you. Whoever you are, wherever you are, whenever you are. Here’s to you.
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